Bye Felicia to Childhood Trauma

To be free. Self love
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Returning to the Past

Being home, and being sur­round­ed by fam­i­ly, caused a lot of child­hood trau­ma to resur­face that need­ed heal­ing.

Dur­ing the weeks I was there, it forced me to reflect about how I grew up and how sim­i­lar pat­terns showed up in my adult life.

I noticed my adult voice and lack of bound­aries with my fam­i­ly mir­rored that of when I was a child. 

Some­how, being back home auto­mat­i­cal­ly switched me back to the shy, voice­less, timid child I was grow­ing up.

It’s as if my adult switch shut down and kid mode was in over­drive.

There I was scared to speak up, agree­able, and felt as though my input did­n’t mat­ter because, hey I was just a child, right?

 

What I know to be true is some­times to go for­ward in life you must go back– a lot of the times to child­hood.

Most of us have been wound­ed in some way dur­ing those for­ma­tive years, and you’ll be sur­prised how much we store trau­ma in our phys­i­cal and emo­tion­al bod­ies. 

Childhood Issues 

My child­hood issues stem from my rela­tion­ship with my close imme­di­ate fam­i­ly. My sis­ter took full cus­tody of me at the age of nine– due to my mom’s chem­i­cal depen­den­cy. While, my sis­ter par­ent­ed the best she could.

I found it quite dif­fi­cult to live under her wrath and ver­bal vit­ri­ol.

As a result, it cre­at­ed a hes­i­tant, girl too timid to use her voice. 

 

It’s no sur­prise I would exhib­it the same behav­ior I did as a child. My inner child was silenced, ignored, and inval­i­dat­ed dur­ing those years. And as crea­tures of habits, we repeat the famil­iar past– espe­cial­ly when it’s all we have known. 

 

I don’t say this to place blame or offend my fam­i­ly because at the end of the day par­ents are just humans with their own bag­gage and lived expe­ri­ences that shaped them into who they are; good or bad.

Relin­quish­ing the labels from my par­en­t’s allowed me to see the human­ness in them.

And at the end of the day they have their own wounds and trau­ma.

And hurt peo­ple hurt peo­ple.

When I real­ized that, I was able to not take things so per­son­al­ly. 

 Learning to Reparent my inner child.

I knew that I need­ed to repar­ent my inner child and let her know she was loved, val­i­dat­ed, and that her voice deserved to be heard. One way, I thought to do this was to cre­ate bound­aries with­in my fam­i­ly dynam­ic. This would look like, ” Hey, I would appre­ci­ate if you did­n’t speak to me that way” or

I’d like if you respect my time if not, I’m not going to be able to meet up with you any­more”. 

 

The per­fect time came when I was with my mom and she raised her voice and demand­ed I do some­thing.

Mind you, it was in front of strangers!

I took that moment as the per­fect oppor­tu­ni­ty to imple­ment my bound­aries with­in the rela­tion­ship and let her know I found it dis­re­spect­ful and unac­cept­able to be talked to in that man­ner. 

 

After­wards, I felt good about myself and my rise to awak­en­ing my inner child’s voice with­in my fam­i­ly. I know, it’s going to take prac­tice and lots of it to con­tin­ue on with bound­ary set­ting, but I’m doing this for ME!

My Advice 

As ter­ri­fy­ing and uncom­fort­able as it may be, I urge you to do the work! Fam­i­ly mem­bers maybe upset with them at first. But, guess what? Bound­aries aren’t for them its for YOU! And bound­aries allow us to show up as our authen­tic self and in turn have more mean­ing­ful rela­tion­ships.

 

Set bound­aries and allow your inner child to be seen.

 

 

 

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Mary Ramsey
Mary Ramsey
7 months ago

Wow what amaz­ing insites my sto­ry will fol­low short­ly

Branddon R Bailey
Branddon R Bailey
4 months ago

Def­i­nite­ly a great read. I’ve seen this among my fam­i­ly. At times, I’ve had to check my aunt for order­ing me around when it’s not her place.

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