Returning to the Past
Being home, and being surrounded by family, caused a lot of childhood trauma to resurface that needed healing.
During the weeks I was there, it forced me to reflect about how I grew up and how similar patterns showed up in my adult life.
I noticed my adult voice and lack of boundaries with my family mirrored that of when I was a child.
Somehow, being back home automatically switched me back to the shy, voiceless, timid child I was growing up.
It’s as if my adult switch shut down and kid mode was in overdrive.
There I was scared to speak up, agreeable, and felt as though my input didn’t matter because, hey I was just a child, right?
What I know to be true is sometimes to go forward in life you must go back– a lot of the times to childhood.
Most of us have been wounded in some way during those formative years, and you’ll be surprised how much we store trauma in our physical and emotional bodies.
My childhood issues stem from my relationship with my close immediate family. My sister took full custody of me at the age of nine– due to my mom’s chemical dependency. While, my sister parented the best she could.
I found it quite difficult to live under her wrath and verbal vitriol.
As a result, it created a hesitant, girl too timid to use her voice.
It’s no surprise I would exhibit the same behavior I did as a child. My inner child was silenced, ignored, and invalidated during those years. And as creatures of habits, we repeat the familiar past– especially when it’s all we have known.
I don’t say this to place blame or offend my family because at the end of the day parents are just humans with their own baggage and lived experiences that shaped them into who they are; good or bad.
Relinquishing the labels from my parent’s allowed me to see the humanness in them.
And at the end of the day they have their own wounds and trauma.
And hurt people hurt people.
When I realized that, I was able to not take things so personally.
Learning to Reparent my inner child.
I knew that I needed to reparent my inner child and let her know she was loved, validated, and that her voice deserved to be heard. One way, I thought to do this was to create boundaries within my family dynamic. This would look like, ” Hey, I would appreciate if you didn’t speak to me that way” or
” I’d like if you respect my time if not, I’m not going to be able to meet up with you anymore”.
The perfect time came when I was with my mom and she raised her voice and demanded I do something.
Mind you, it was in front of strangers!
I took that moment as the perfect opportunity to implement my boundaries within the relationship and let her know I found it disrespectful and unacceptable to be talked to in that manner.
Afterwards, I felt good about myself and my rise to awakening my inner child’s voice within my family. I know, it’s going to take practice and lots of it to continue on with boundary setting, but I’m doing this for ME!
As terrifying and uncomfortable as it may be, I urge you to do the work! Family members maybe upset with them at first. But, guess what? Boundaries aren’t for them its for YOU! And boundaries allow us to show up as our authentic self and in turn have more meaningful relationships.
Set boundaries and allow your inner child to be seen.